The entire synopsis of Breaking Dawn Pt 1 according to Kayley Hyde (via Skype)
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everything is so awkward and forced
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oh god
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sexy time
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they are taking turns eyeing the bed
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they are going skinny dipping
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I think the presex montage just happened
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she like...shaved her legs and shit
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who doesn't do that before they leave for their honeymoon?!
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come ON
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oh jesus
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BROKEN HEADBOARD
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HAHA
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we are halfway through this film and NOTHING HAS HAPPENED
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they got married and had sex
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literally not a thing else
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they're now playing chess
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fucking hell
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she keeps trying to seduce him and he's laughing at her WORST MARRIAGE
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oooh playing chess again!
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AND AGAIN
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they just had a montage of their honeymoon and all that happened is thye played a lot of chess, she tried to fuck him and he ran away
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oh god she's begging now
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this is honestly awkward softcore porn
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and now she's vomiting into the toilet
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gross
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god seriously
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nothing happens in this god
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it's just a bunch of shitty subplots
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the wolves are so shit
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shit
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lsbgksdg
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THIS IS SO BAD
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weird ass telepathic wolf pow wow shit
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I don't even know what's going on
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THE FETUS ISN'T COMPATIBLE
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I'm really glad that in Twilight world, they make skinny jeans that fit over evil fetus baby bumps
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oh god Bella's drinking blood
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I'm taking a shot
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the cup says FREE REFILLS ON IT
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Bella just chose "renesmee" for the baby's name and this child will be beat up for the rest of it's life
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OH MY GOD SHE IS GIVING BIRTH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
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"GET HIM OUT OF ME"
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loads of screaming and flashing and she looks like a skeleton
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aaaand Edward ripped open her stomach with his mouth
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YUP GOOD
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the baby is a bloody mess and they just called it beautiful. I mean, I don't really do babies, but like...I'm pretty sure that just looks like meat
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there is just blood everywhere and edward just stabbed her in the heart with his venom and what the HELL
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Bella seems to have died, but Edward is just biting her everywhere and OH HOLY GOD IT'S SCIENCE
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HER BLOOD IS FREEZING
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the worst thing? Kristen Stewart's face hasn't changed.
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she just gave birth and then died
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without a flicker of emotion
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Jacob has just seen the baby and he's in lo0o0o0ove
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this is the creepiest scene ever
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he just fell to his knees in front of a baby
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I just want to be a fly on the wall during this filming
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uh oh vampire v wolf death match
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oh jk rules and shit
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wolf can't harm future lovers of other wolves
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so much for bros before hoes, shit
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meanwhile, Bella is serving her purpose well. laying on a table with the occasional SCIENCE into her body
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she's becoming a vampire, which apparently includes permanent eyeshadow. so, that makes life easier.
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you know how on tumblr, they have those picture sequences where it slowly gets closer to someones face?
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that was just an actual shot in Breaking Dawn
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jacob, Jacob, JACOB
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AND THEN HAWT VAMPY BELLA OPENED HER EYES WITH MIRACULOUSLY NEWLY LONG EYELASHES AND THE FILM ENDED
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TO CHEERS
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I require the last two hours of my life back
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who do I go for for that
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